Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
