How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
