There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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