there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
