I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
