party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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