Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
