Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
