I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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