your room smells of hookers.
And success
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm like, not good at living.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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