They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
