Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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