I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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