I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
