I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I want is dick and wine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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