We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
