Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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