i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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