32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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