His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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