is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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