I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize