There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
