trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
