I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
