Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
