I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize