He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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