I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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