What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
