he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
