debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
