well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
