we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize