i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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