I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
