so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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