I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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