even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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