girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
