This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
