Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
