I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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