i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize