What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
