it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
