Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize