Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
