I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
