i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
