just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
