i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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