you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
