so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize