it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
