summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
