im six kinds of drunk right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
