when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize