I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize