woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
