Don't you send me to vm
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
