it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
