somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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