Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
