Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
