9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
