At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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