i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
