Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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