U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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