when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
