i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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