I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
