it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
