Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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