i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
