I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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