Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
