Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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