Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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