i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
